I spend a fair amount of time these days worrying about whether or not I need to freeze my eggs to give me more time decide if I want children. That biological clock that is supposed to be making me baby crazy…well, that clock seems to be broken in my case and at the ripe age of 27, I feel the pressure. I regularly negotiate with myself about when I need to make this decision by. When I was 23 it was 28. When I was 26, I bumped it to 30. Now that I am 27, I’ve tacked a few extra years onto that, bringing my decision deadline to 33, and frankly, that seems waaaay too soon to figure it out. So the freezing thing doesn’t sound like too bad of an option. Of course, I’ve given myself a generous few years to figure out if I want to freeze the eggs, and at that point, the purpose of that might be lost over time. Essentially, I cannot think about the concept of babies, without totally freaking out, and needing to move onto a different course of thought fairly quickly.
Anyway, before I think about these babies, maybe I should be considering what kind of partner I would like to raise a baby with. Not to say you must have a partner, but in my case it is definitely a must, as I plan to be the 30-percenter while my partner is the 70-percenter…possibly the 80-percenter when the weather isn’t good.
So as you can see, I have clearly put a lot of thought into this and honed in on the most important factors involved in having a child….
My spousal search shall start where it should: Celebrity Chefs
For the sake of not discriminating, I have included chefs that are popular in the US, and some that the Aussies dig too (I’ve also tried unsuccessfuly to draw them, because all the images of them are copy written, and for that I apologize). I’ve tried to include some non-red heads here which is tough. Have you ever noticed the frequency of carrot tops in the celebrity culinary circuit? I’ve narrowed it down to five contenders, and chosen a diverse batch (I attempted to draw and write about Mario Batalli as a sixth option, but just felt really shallow and bitchy doing that).
Yotam Ottolenghi
He’s tall, dashing, and his food is incredible. Simple, fresh whole foods with lots of color and care. If I wasn’t cheap and waiting for his book Jerusalem to go on sale, I would be working steadily through every one of his recipes.
I can see myself coming home to a freshly made salad and his beautiful fig and goat’s cheese tart while he changes nappies and teaches the baby Hebrew.
But alas, Ottolenghi prefers bananas to figs if you catch my drift, so I simply don’t stand a chance.
Heston Blumenthal
It’s not that I mind a guy without hair on his head, I just don’t really like my food being messed with so much. He has his scientific passion for food, and I respect that, but I don’t want my kitchen to turn into a science lab.
I would be afraid to let him change nappies, and isn’t nappy changer the whole point of having a partner? He might do odd culinary experiments with the baby poo– Poo mousse tart with a urine caramel glaze perhaps? I shudder to think of the possibilities.
Sorry Heston, but this catch just isn’t taking the bait.
Jamie Oliver
Does he need an introduction? He is simply brilliant, and I love his book Jamie Does: Spain, Italy, Sweden, Morocco, Greece, France. Yeah, he does a lot of things. This particular cookbook is a bit excessive on the vanity pics but it’s Jamie we’re talking about here. Plus Anders (my current partner who is facing stiff competition with these celebrities) likes to cook Jamie stuff for me and it is always great.
But I’ve seen his wife, and as gorgeous as she is, she looks a bit worn down by the massive personality that is Jamie Oliver. He also demonstrated on national TV how the baby stopped crying every time he took it from his wife, and then started crying again when he handed it back. Yes, it is a sign that he has a way with kids, but as someone who is planning to be a 30-percenter, I must have the appearance of a 100-percenter, and that just wouldn’t work for my reputation. But thanks for your Swedish Caesar salad recipe, we can’t get enough of those chicken fat croutons. I love you, but I just can’t love you in that way.
Marco Pierre White
He is one scary chef. His intensity and knife skills are to be admired, but they are also to be feared, as these are also characteristics of a killer. I can imagine serving him something just mildly over-salted, and the outcome being death, or preferably, divorce.
Nah, but he has got a soft side to him, and I think he is probably a family man at heart. However, like all of the contenders, the big issue is really that I would have to be the 80-percenter, or even worse the 100-percenter, because career ambition like this doesn’t leave much room for family time.
Sorry Marco, I know you are”looking forward to spending some time” with me, but I don’t always cut my veggies uniformly, and I hate to julienne carrots so I don’t think it will work.
Bobby Flay
Hi Bobby, how’s it going? You want to prove you can bake better banana bread then me? This throw down is on!!
I love a bit of competition, and Bobby is definitely up for it. Of course, when he beat those two little old ladies in a fruit pie Throw Down, the world felt cruel. But I must say, there is something about the Flay, and out of all the contenders, he might actually stand a chance. He knows an incredible amount about so many different foods, and his recipes always work. He just seems like he has it together, and he can juggle a million things at once, including bottle feeding a baby while bringing in the dough and flirting with Giada De Laurentiis (cut that out! Sorry Giada, I’m just jealous).
Plus, he has got a tough New Yorker feel to him that appeals. Bobby, if you want to go out sometime, just catch me on my blog. Just make sure you bring your grill along so you can grill me something tasty.
Whose your favorite celebrity chef and why?
For the Love of Cabbage 